How to cope with family fighting after a death: This is especially common if one family member thinks another is not as impacted by the death or they are ‘moving on’ too quickly. When people are grieving differently this can be a major source of conflict within families. We all grieve in different ways and on different timelines. When death results in children who must be cared for, conflict can arise around who will get custody of the children if this was not predetermined.ĭifferent grieving styles. This can split a family geographically and be devastating for those who feel left behind.Ĭustody. After a death, it is not uncommon that people may move, either by choice or out of necessity. can bring surprising strife between family members. Questions like whether someone will be buried or cremated, where will the service be held, where will they be buried, etc. Conflict can begin even before a loved one dies when families disagree about goals of care, withdrawing support at the hospital, and caregiving responsibilities.Īrrangements. There is no way I could cover them all here, but some other common conflicts are:ĭisagreements about treatment at the end of life. There are many other sources of strain and conflict that can arise for families. Whether it is scraping together money to pay for a funeral, or dividing up bank accounts and investments without a will for clear guidance, money can quickly become a sore spot. Houses can also hold tremendous value, making them something many family members may want to sell right away. Houses can have tremendous sentimental value, making them something many family members don’t want to part with.
While one person may want to save every Tupperware container and tube of chapstick that mom ever owned, other family members may be quick to toss those items in the trash. Attachment to objects can vary greatly from person to person. Especially when there is not a will, but even when there is a will, there are often many household items or sentimental objects that are not accounted for. Some people are ready right away, some people want more time before sorting through items. When to begin sorting through belongings. What’s the number one source of conflict? You guessed it, fighting over material possessions.Īs hard as it is for many of us to admit, countless families who never imagine there would be conflict over material things are suddenly overwhelmed by disagreement over estates and belongings. Not even close! So many people can relate to family fighting after a death. If this has been your experience, please know that you are not alone. You're trying to cope with the death of your loved one, and suddenly your support system is not only unsupportive but a source of additional stress. When otherwise amicable friend groups and families fight after a death, it can feel like a secondary loss. And though we love to celebrate positive, warm-fuzzy, supportive, interactions, today we're going to spend a little time talking about family fighting after a death. Working with patients and families at the end-of-life, we've seen behavior that runs all along the spectrum. Dealing with Friends and Family, Conflict and Disagreement, Grief Articles for Beginners, Family Dynamicsĭeath brings out the best and worst in families.
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